Today's Mind Opener - Co-dependent Roles we get stuck in! BONNIE THE BABY!

(In next week's Mind Opener we will finish up with Healthy Henrietta, in our  detailed look at the five roles children manifest in dysfunctional families - Just check the archives below and you will probably see yourself in one of these roles there. I certainly did!  From the book "Hand in Hand" - just scroll down the left side bar to see the book)

BONNIE THE BABY

            Bonnie the Baby is often, though not always, the youngest child in the family.  But when she is, there are parents as well as  one or more older siblings fussing over and caring for this child.  This child has had many “parents” taking care of her and hasn’t needed to do much growing up at all. 

            Bonnie is never asked to take any real responsibility for herself.  She doesn’t learn how to take care of herself; others keep doing this for her.  Bonnie is the baby.  And Bonnie likes this.  And just like all the other roles there is the up side as well as the down side.  Bonnie will love being taken care of but will complain about it all the time.  

            Bonnie is always asking for help, though she resents the help when given.  And she seems to actually create situations where she is over her head and someone will need to appear and rescue her.  Very often Bonnie the Baby marry Freddie the Fixer and create the stereotype of the strong man taking care of his little woman.  You could also have the opposite with an Amazon wife and henpecked husband -- the “opposites attract” syndrome.  Of course they do!  They give each other reason for being and continuing in their now self-appointed roles.  Every Bonnie the Baby is like a neon sign radiating helplessness and every Freddie the Fixer in the area will respond to the signal.

            Bonnie is constantly feeling loved when given all this attention.  And she doesn’t have to take on any real responsibilities.  This may not be conscious, but it certainly is occurring.  Everyone else will take care of her problems for her.  

            Bonnie never learns to grow up.   She loses the ability to be an adult, a  wife and a mother.  She confuses intimacy with being rescued.  This is the reverse of Freddie the Fixer who never learns to be a child. Bonnie never learns to be an adult.