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Monday, February 22, 2021

Lesson 5 Loving Relationships - Special to Holy

                                          THE SEVEN SECRETS TO INTIMACY

Numbers 5 – 7

 

SECRET # 5 – RESPECT

 

        Respect your partner and free them to make his or her own decisions without your interference.  Allow them to succeed as well as fail in their own process of growth.  This is how we all learn and we can’t do it for others.  We can’t fix things for others.  

        Our responsibility is to learn the appropriate boundaries for ourseslves and others --  and then respect them. This is huge! Just because someone is important to you doesn’t give you the right to direct their lives. If they want advice or your perspective, well O.K. you’ve been given the green light to share. But, if not, you have to step back. Note, this rule applies to adults, remember. The rules are very different if you are a parent with young children.

        However, no matter the relationships, learning to have faith in another’s growth process can be extremely challenging, but becomes an essential component is the holy relationship.

 

SECRET # 6 – HELP

 

        Now, here is when you get a chance to actually give advice or actually do something concrete to help your partner. But remember.  You don’t do it until you are asked!

        Don’t intrude your advice or help into a situation in which it is simply not wanted.  When someone shows you in some way that they want your help, then you can involve yourself.  They must give you permission first. We referred to this before, but here is the important twist:

The challenge is not to be attached to your advice.  Remember to share without identifying with your advice or help, and not feel hurt if your advice is refused. Remember, the beginning of the Deadly Cycle starts with feelings of rejection. Identify with your advice and then your worth is tied to acceptance of your opinions.

Through prayer and meditation you can find that powerful place within yourself that frees you to be spiritually detached, loving, helpful when appropriate. Happy to give and not expect or need anything in return.

        Oh, let’s not forget. Knowing what to do and say needs to be guided by the Inner Knower. Don’t jump in unless you have prayed for guidance.

 

SECRET # 7 – THANK

 

        In order to appreciate all the efforts your partner makes toward the success of your relationship a very important perspective must be employed – a forgiving perspective. What does that mean?

        Understanding what and why your partner does and says is like excavating for treasure. The first layer of dirt is hiding the truth. Dig further, and when you reach down the treasure shines brightly. Here’s a tip on how to know you discovered your prize:

         

        No matter what is said or done there is only one of two messages sent, no matter what it looks or sounds like.

 

        1 – “I am helping in the only way I know how”.

        2 – “I am frightened and confused and need help”.

 

Read these two messages again and be sure to understand their importance. If someone is trying to help, no matter how poorly executed, you gotta love ’em. And if someone’s words and action come from a state of anxiety and desperation, won’t that open your own heart to compassion and make  want you to offer a big hug?

Make the effort to hear these messages hidden within your conversations, and they will then elicit from you a sense of gratitude and love which you will want to share. Your partner will love  and appreciate you for it.

        Remember, say “thank you” often!

 

DON’T FORGET YOURSELF

        And by the way, how about creating real healing for yourself too?

        Will you be open and honest with yourself? 

        Will you like yourself and share freely, not denying yourself what you need and desire?

        Will you respect your own boundaries and help yourself whenever you need to?

        And will you thank yourself for all the efforts you make to heal yourself and your world?

        If you do  apply these Seven Secrets of Intimacy to yourself, the world will see the light of love and forgiveness shining brightly through you.

Questions to Contemplate and Discuss

1.    Have you been using your prayer to give the gift of freedom? If so, then respecting your partner’s boundaries will be easy. If not, keep repeating your prayer with willingness.

 

2.    Take notice of all your conversations and interactions. Label (within your own mind!) whether the other is trying to help or calling for help. They may not want to hear those labels out loud.

 

Now take notice of your conversations and interactions and label YOUR OWN as either trying to help or calling for help.

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