THE SEVEN SECRETS TO INTIMACY
Numbers 5 – 7
SECRET # 5 – RESPECT
Respect your partner and free them to
make his or her own decisions without your interference. Allow them to succeed as well as fail in
their own process of growth. This is how
we all learn and we can’t do it for others.
We can’t fix things for others.
Our responsibility is to learn the appropriate
boundaries for ourseslves and others --
and then respect them. This is huge! Just because someone is important
to you doesn’t give you the right to direct their lives. If they want advice or
your perspective, well O.K. you’ve been given the green light to share. But, if
not, you have to step back. Note, this rule applies to adults, remember. The
rules are very different if you are a parent with young children.
However, no matter the relationships, learning
to have faith in another’s growth process can be extremely challenging, but
becomes an essential component is the holy relationship.
SECRET # 6 – HELP
Now, here is when you get a chance to
actually give advice or actually do something concrete to help your partner.
But remember. You don’t do it until you
are asked!
Don’t intrude your advice or help into a
situation in which it is simply not wanted.
When someone shows you in some way that they want your help, then you
can involve yourself. They must give you
permission first. We referred to this before, but here is the important twist:
The challenge is not to be attached to your advice. Remember to share without identifying with
your advice or help, and not feel hurt if your advice is refused. Remember, the
beginning of the Deadly Cycle starts with feelings of rejection. Identify with
your advice and then your worth is tied to acceptance of your opinions.
Through prayer and meditation you can find that powerful
place within yourself that frees you to be spiritually detached, loving,
helpful when appropriate. Happy to give and not expect or need anything in
return.
Oh, let’s not forget. Knowing what to do
and say needs to be guided by the Inner Knower. Don’t jump in unless you have
prayed for guidance.
SECRET # 7 – THANK
In order to appreciate all the efforts
your partner makes toward the success of your relationship a very important
perspective must be employed – a forgiving perspective. What does that mean?
Understanding what and why your partner
does and says is like excavating for treasure. The first layer of dirt is
hiding the truth. Dig further, and when you reach down the treasure shines
brightly. Here’s a tip on how to know you discovered your prize:
No matter what is said or done there is
only one of two messages sent, no matter what it looks or sounds like.
1 – “I am helping in the only way I know
how”.
2 – “I am frightened and confused and
need help”.
Read these two messages again and be sure to understand their
importance. If someone is trying to help, no matter how poorly executed, you
gotta love ’em. And if someone’s words and action come from a state of anxiety
and desperation, won’t that open your own heart to compassion and make want you to offer a big hug?
Make the effort to hear these messages hidden within your
conversations, and they will then elicit from you a sense of gratitude and love
which you will want to share. Your partner will love and appreciate you for it.
Remember, say “thank you” often!
DON’T FORGET YOURSELF
And by the way, how about creating real
healing for yourself too?
Will you be open and honest with
yourself?
Will you like yourself and share freely,
not denying yourself what you need and desire?
Will you respect your own boundaries and
help yourself whenever you need to?
And will you thank yourself for all the
efforts you make to heal yourself and your world?
If you do apply these Seven Secrets of Intimacy to
yourself, the world will see the light of love and forgiveness shining brightly
through you.
Questions to Contemplate
and Discuss
1. Have you been using your prayer to give the gift of freedom? If so, then
respecting your partner’s boundaries will be easy. If not, keep repeating your
prayer with willingness.
2. Take notice of all your conversations
and interactions. Label (within your own mind!) whether the other is trying to
help or calling for help. They may not want to hear those labels out loud.
Now take notice of your conversations and interactions and label YOUR OWN as either trying to help or calling for help.
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