Lesson 4 - FAST TRACK to PEACE free online course

ANGER

CONTROL AT ALL COST

            Righteous indignation! Another name for anger all prettied up and looking super respectable. Here we have the last of ego’s offspring, the sibling to guilt and fear. The warrior part of the terrible triplets. Anger.

            Guilt and fear are debilitating and hamstring us emotionally and physically. They tie us up in knots, drag us back into bed to pull the cover up and over. They keep us from not just engaging in life, but from enjoying life.

But, anger, now there’s the ‘man!’  Here’s the action guy, the badass, the knight in shining armor. Anger rises up and unleashed saves your sorry self. Oh, boy, that feels gooooood!

But, does it really? Let’s take a peek at what’s really happening to us when we let the monster out of the bag.

          When we pull those covers up and over because of guilt and fear we are actually feeling that everything is out of our control. We are now the ultimate victim. Everything happens to us. Nobody understands us. No one loves us. The world treats us like garbage. Ignores us. Rules our lives. Pushes us around. Disses us! We aint got no respect!

          And as we lay there in bed, something ugly and insidious begins to uncurl deep inside. A spark leads to a flame to a raging inferno. Anger has awakened. How DARE they do that to ME!!!!!

The beast with dragon’s tail and flaming tongue roars from your innards and now – YOU ARE IN CONTROL!

         First you spend delicious hours thinking of the justification for your thoughts and actions. Then more hours hunkering down with frown and surly looks as you plan your revenge.

And when everything is in place (and of course this whole process might unfold in the blink of an eye) you attack. Maybe subtle, nasty sarcasm will snake out to bite your victim. Maybe a sour scowl will be sufficient. Ha! You’ll show them. Or, maybe a full out frontal assault of words and fists will bring you what you want most – control!

        Your first two siblings are inwardly painful, but anger is ACTION. Even when you are only thinking about your anger, you have a mistaken belief that you are actually doing something corrective. If only in your own mind you are proving to yourself that you are the victim, the innocent party. You no longer need to feel guilt and the fear of retribution. You are the one that is in the right. Your anger is now that prettied up righteous indignation. They’re wrong and you are right. So there!

But, what a price we pay for needing to find everyone else wrong so we can feel guilt free. Anger eats us up alive. Raises our blood pressure, sends gastric juices to burn up stomach and esophagus. And that’s just the most obvious result. What is not obvious to us but unmistakable to others is how unpleasant we are. No one wants to be near us. After all, closeness to us might be dangerous to another’s health and well being.

        What to do? Just like the first two survival techniques that go viral in our subconscious we need to STOP. Breath and here is the hard part, be willing to be wrong in our assessment of the situation. Yes, I know admitting we are wrong is fundamentally abhorrent to the ego. But, if we allow that peaceful inner Voice to show us something else, we will be miraculously surprised.

        Now, we have insight into our preciousness, our safety and our sacredness. And what is really important, we are able to see others with compassion. We see their egos are running them into the ground. We understand their fears, their sense of unworthiness and we feel sorry for them.

And miraculous of all, we not only lose our anger, but we actually want to help them.

        In the wolf pack, anger is a quick flare up to nudge a pup back into right behavior for the safety of the pack. And then it is gone. No harm, no foul. So, when you feel that anger begin to rise ask for that different, miraculous perspective. Then you will feel your own strength grow into a beautifully magnanimousness flow.

important point 

What to do? Just like the first two survival techniques that go viral in our subconscious we need to STOP. Breath and here is the hard part, be willing to be wrong in our assessment of the situation.

Thoughts, Suggestions, Things to Practice

This may be a little hard to do:

1.      Remember the last argument you had when you felt really justified in telling that person off (or maybe punching their lights out). Now, take a deep breath and see if you can recognize the evil triplets at work in yourself and the other person. If this is too hard, at least remind yourself that anger is hurting you.

This takes a lot of willingness and guts but remember, no one has to know what you are trying to do. (At least not yet) And the payoff will be huge!

Next week we start Part II and begin the corrective process. I'm excited, I hope you are, too. And remember, sometimes these sections may bring up some 'yucky' feelings. Just keep moving forward with faith that this is all part of the undoing process that leads to peace.