To Try, or not to Try, that is the Trick Question

  

       You must have noticed those times in your life when everything that comes out of your mouth is like gold. People stop, listen, and nod in agreement and approval. You feel great, powerful, purposeful.  And then. . .it all goes to something stinky – you hear yourself stammering, find the right words strangely absent and the opinion of others becomes a strangling albatross of importance. What happened?

       This is the sort of thing I roll around my wakeful brain at three o’clock in the morning. After about an hour of turning the question to observe and dissect it from this way and that, I usually gain some insight and even start framing phrases to type up the next morning on my blog. So here is a taste of what I came up with when I asked that earlier question, ‘What happened when everything went south?’

       O.K. I decided that when our personal power turns to pudding we have just entered THE BLACK ABYSS OF FULTILITY! In this inky morass we are now trying to be something we are not. We are no longer true to ourselves and instead of gracefully dancing through life, we try to clunk along in some else’s shoes. And this just ain’t a pretty sight. How often we put on a façade of competence, compassion, interest, hoping others will buy the act. Heck, we even try to fool ourselves into thinking we are actually what we are not. Liar, liar, pants on fire!

      Uh oh! It was at this point my brain hiccupped as I leaped deeper into my personal quest. An interesting yet, disturbing second question rose before me – if THE BLACK ABYSS OF FUTILITY occurs when we are trying, and as many have stated before, ‘trying is lying’, then what about all those hours, months, years of studying, contemplating, meditating and practicing spirituality?  Is this trying to be spiritual? Oh, no! Are we now lying to ourselves and others? Uh oh! That looks a little bit like that scary ABYSS. But is it? I knew this couldn’t be accurate so I rolled over in bed, got more comfortable and decided to do something novel, ask the Holy Spirit for insight. And it was at this point that a life preserver popped up out of the depths to bob within range, and it took the form of a quote from “A Course in Miracles” and its Introduction:

       “This is course in miracles. It is a required course.” The operative word I recognized is ‘course’, not a novel, not a poem but a course that needs to be read, studied and then practiced. Ah ha! It all became abundantly clear. As long as I am in a body I am not finished learning and so must ‘choose once again’ to DO the Course.

        After all, when we say we are trying, we are actually placing our doing into the future, to maybe be done and maybe not. But, as long as I keep reading, studying and practicing I am in the process of doing, right now in the present moment.

       Whew! At about this moment the sun began to climb over the mountain and light up my bedroom along with my mind. Another day has begun and my work continues – I will not try to forgiveness, instead I will DO the Course one more time, and then again.