Over eons wolves have developed an unerring dynamic of survival, called the pack. And guess what? Those tools have been honed by human society as well. And those very same tactics that are richly alluring in their romance and strength in the wolf are addictive, destructive and sinister in humans. Let’s take a look at why something that works so perfectly in the animal kingdom falls flat on its face in for people.
Now, I am no expert on wolves, I’ve simply watched those same nature shows you have on TV. But, one thing stands out – to keep the pack in working order misconduct is reprimanded quickly and fiercely. If you don’t keep the rules you endanger the survival of the pack. Just watch your pet dog. Once you establish yourself as alpha in his pack, your word is law. As your pet scoffs up that left over piece of pizza on the coffee table, you raise your voice slightly, and he stops, the ears go down and he droops off with a distinctly guilty slouch.
Guilt is a tool: Make the pack member feel guilty and the miscreant usually stops. If that’s not enough, fierceness can turn to viciousness and even a ripping out of the throat, a sure way of ending wrong actions, permanently, and keeping the pack safe.
Guilt is a tool to keep others in line. Now, this is really great in a wolf pack when long logical arguments are severely limited by having no ability to make speeches. But, humans have hopefully evolved to, rarely, if ever ripping out a youngster’s throat for taking the car keys when he shouldn’t. Though sometimes a few family gatherings I have observed in the past, thankfully not mine, and seen from afar, can emotionally feel just like that.
However, guilt is still used as an extremely potent tool for keeping people around you in line. You use it on them and they on you. Some examples: Your mother calls, starts asking about your job, your friends, why you don’t call more often, and suddenly you feel like you are five years old again and you start to droop and want to creep away in a distinctly guilty slouch. Or, your spouse comes in later than usual for dinner and you ask with arched eyebrow, “So where have you been?” The atmosphere immediately turns grim.
So, what does ‘A Course in Miracles’ say about guilt and its side kick anger? Well, these emotions may occur, but holding onto them for longer than a moment, to recognize them, is ‘unjustified’. What does this mean? We are human, part of the animal branch on the tree of life and all emotions will flow through us at one time or another. However, when we hold onto guilt, anger and the resultant fear, replaying it again and again in our minds, we are changing the original law of the pack into a human dysfunction.
Guilt is not good or bad, after all. Guilt is simply a red flag suggesting we may have done something incorrectly. All we need do next is assess if our actions need to change. If they do, then suck it up and change. If we assess our actions as O.K. then we can go about our business as usual.
Remember, the Course has reminded us that people are either trying to help or calling desperately for help. If they are dumping guilt, just maybe you do need to change something. They were really trying to help and you can say thank you. But, if you really don’t need to change, then maybe the other person is in emotional pain and doesn’t know what else to do but find fault with others. They are crying out desperately for your help; then compassion and forgiveness must be your response.
So, decide how similar to a wolf you really want to be. The glory and majesty of the pack seen on a distant snow encrusted hill is working just perfectly. They know what they are doing. Guilt keeps the pack vibrant and functioning. Just remember, however, when we feel ourselves wanting to dump that extra dollop of guilt and anger onto another, assess what we are doing very carefully by asking for the insight and direction of the Holy Spirit. And when that glob of guilt smacks you in the face, shake it off, change if you need to and move right along. That’s the sign of being human and humanity becomes just as glorious and majestic as the primal wolf pack.
Now, if you listen carefully, you will hear our combined ululating song echoing through the valleys and across the distant mountains.
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