(Continuing for the next weeks' Mind Openers will be a detailed look at the five roles children manifest in dysfunctional families - you will probably see yourself there. I certainly did! From the book "Hand in Hand" - just scroll down the left side bar to see the book)
Laura the Loner’s mottos is: “Don’t make waves!”
Laura discovered that life is so much easier if she just goes off by herself and plays with her dolls alone. Or Larry the Loner goes off and submerges himself in computers all by himself.
Laura and Larry prefer being by themselves. They go off into a private world and never learn how to interact socially with others. Laura the Loner creates an impenetrable shell that is so successful a hiding place that she becomes almost invisible to others.
Many years ago, I had an acquaintance who was married to a combination Freddie the Fixer and Joey the Joker, roles will talk about next, creating a ferocious combination of attention getting roles. He was constantly boisterous and aggressively claiming center stage. Now, my acquaintance was a solidly placed Laura the Loner and after thirty years of marriage his family still had trouble remembering her name. She had become almost totally invisible. She would sit in a corner during family gatherings and “not make waves”.
Outwardly this probably seemed like a peaceful marriage. This outgoing, loud, flamboyant personality that needed to have things done his way luckily was married to a quiet, accepting, don’t interfere personality. How perfect! Or so it seems. But what price is Laura the Loner paying for this seeming stability?
Laura believes she will be safe from failure, from criticism, from punishment. By just removing herself she thinks she will be safe from doing anything wrong. She also believes she will gain approval by not causing problems. She believes this will create a no stress environment for herself.
Laura actually never really accomplished anything. Laura has blocked the ability to create friendships and relationships and has lost social skills. She does not know how to be a real friend, no less a wife or mother.
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