Which 'Course' is in your wallet?

      Years ago a lovely couple, newly married, joined one of my ‘Course in Miracles’ classes. They each proudly displayed their very own books, each heavily highlighted in yellow – their books virtually glowed blindingly with highlighting on every page. But something strange began to happen. As I listened to each of them share in class I noticed a distinct difference in how they answered questions. You might be hard pressed to believe they both were studying the same material!

      They husband would flip open to a page, run his finger down until he found a beloved quote and read with eyes glowing, smiling widely, with a spreading benign attitude oozing from every pore.
The wife would also share, practically ripping pages from the binding as she flipped from section to section to the center of the Text to jab with a finger on a page while she quoted, eyes glaring, chin jutting and attitude definitely ‘in your face’.

      Both were reading from and quoting Course material. What in the world was happening? Well, to me it was obvious and my theory was confirmed when I looked at each of their books. The husband had highlighted all the beautiful, uplifting, heart opening passages. The wife was drawn to and highlighted every darkly intense explanation of ego dynamics and special relationships. They each had created a separate Course for themselves. They saw want they wanted to see, and saw only that.

     Many years ago at a Course conference I had organized, my dear friend and co-author J.R. Randolph, of ‘Side by Side – the Twelve Steps and A Course in Miracles’ shared this line: “After you seriously study the Course for a while ‘A Course in Miracles’ turns into ‘A CURSE in Miracles’”. 
And that is as it should be. The Course presents an important balance between the beauty of our reality as well as our shared dream of psychological horror experienced every day. Without remembering that those are two constant choices, we will never make the truly corrective and healing choice at all. 
Some find it easier to just think about how lovely the world is. And, trust me, never learn to recognize when they have chosen ego, listened to its insidious logic, and smothered themselves in fear, anger and guilt disguised as awareness, righteous indignation and humility. Learning this is tough! 

      Have you noticed how it’s just too darn easy to choose door one and think we are ‘doing’ the Course  perfectly, yet at the same time we are ignoring that we are focused on all those pesky annoyances caused by our partner. Or perhaps we stand righteously prideful demanding with veiled threat a change in political policy. Or gossip with great relish and smugness over coffee in the office about the ‘idiot’ manager. Or look with anger and disdain at the news reports of militant terrorists. Or. . .Whoa!. .notice how easy it is to think we know the Course, but still LOVE to indulge in all those delicious ego ‘pranks’? 
Seriously addressing the ugly ego within is a pretty painful process. Who wants to do that? Well, for those who choose door two and focus only on ego dynamics, this just plays to the ego’s love of reveling masochistically in guilt, fear and anger, reviewing every painful part of this process ad nauseam.

      And so this becomes the sneakiest ego ploy of all, to have us focus only on the ‘good’ or the ‘ugly’ concepts but not both at the same time. The Course is rich with beauty as well as complex psychological dynamics. There’s a reason for this and all of it needs to be read, studied, practiced, struggled with and, yes, uplifted by, constantly.

      So, which Course is ‘in your wallet’? I try to stuff them both in a front pocket of mind to be accessed whenever needed. That includes those glorious quotes of my perfection, and also, very importantly, the reminders that the ego is probably rearing its ugly but carefully disguised head. 

     Recognizing both is simply essential, so please consider keeping ‘both’ Courses within easy reach.